Halal Nuts

I journeyed back to the QEQM hospital in Margate on Tuesday for an ultrasound scan of my furry friends. When I arrived in the scanning room the nurse made sure I was comfortable then left me alone with the guy who was to perform the scan. However, prior to scanning the little fellows, he sat facing his computer muttering for about a minute. It sounded like some kind of incantation or even a prayer. I would like to think he was blessing my nuts and wishing them good fortune in the years to come.

If anyone reading this has ever had their nuts blessed please get in touch.

It was lovely to see Dad and Liz on Saturday. Both are looking very well although Dad was nursing some aches and pains. Beth was pleased to see them both.

On Sunday we spent much of the day at home although we did manage to go to Westwood and feed some very cold ducks in Sandwich.

Beth in the kitchen.

Caribbean Queen

I hear that Billy Ocean is soon to be gigging at the Margate Winter Gardens. His name reminds me of my school days (not good). You will find below the first verse of Caribbean Queen. These cutting-edge lyrics maybe point to where Stella (Kaiser Keith's and my previous band) went wrong. Rock on Billy!

She dashed by me in painted on jeans
And all heads turned 'cos she was the cream
In the blink of an eye I knew her number and her name
She said I was the tiger she wanted to tame

Painted on jeans eh?! I didn't even know they existed! Maybe the next time I go to the Monty I'll wear a pair. With regard to tigers and other large carnivores Parkes never mentioned anything like that to me on our first date. I feel cheated.

Britain's Got Talent

With Celebrity Big Brother finishing tonight I thought it would be finally safe to switch on the television again. But no. Following swiftly on its heals is Britain's Got Talent. What a rotter of a programme that is! Any TV show with Piers Morgan and the horrendously-false Amanda Holden needs to be shot at birth. I would retitle the show Britain's Got Rabies and change the format to specially selected rabid dogs chasing after the contestants of Celebrity Big Brother.

On Saturday my father and Liz are popping down to Ramsgate for the day. It should be good to catch up.

Teletubbies

Beth has recently moved on from In The Night Garden and is now a Teletubbies addict. Above is a picture of her transfixed by those silly multicoloured clowns. I find them quite annoying but who cares what I think - it's a kids program. However I do like Noo-Noo who is the Teletubbies' vacuum cleaner. He really gets around and has a very cheeky look.

If I were to eat one of the Teletubbies it would probably be Po. Po's legs look ideal for a jerk marinade and could be chucked on the barbecue on a hot summer's afternoon.

Celebrity Big Brother

Lock them in and turn the cameras off.

V2003: Weeeeheeeey it's Friday. Here is Kaiser Keith putting it about for the cameras. Porn star shorts and sleeveless t-shirts cannot be worn by everyone - but the Kaiser can pull anything off.

V2003: Parkes looking dusky and fabulous.

V2003: K, Parkes, Kaiser Keith, Sophie and Fraser. All looking remarkably sober.

V2003: Happy dayz sitting on the grass, listening to the music play. Great times.

V2003: Big Al, Kaiser Keith, JC, Steve and Strings busting.

V2003: Late night smooging - where did those shades come from?

V2003: K and Parkes with loaded love guns.

V2003: Parkes and Steve wanting more.

v2003: Strings and Parkes enjoying quality loving moments surrounded by smashing tents.

V2003: Murph looking dark and mysterious.

V2003: K and Parkes looking quite excitable.

V2003: Steve, K, JC, Kaiser Keith's back and Fraser. Steve's teeth look like they are off out somewhere.

v2003: What a lovely day! Where have my eyes gone?

Furry Friends

I had a hospital appointment on Monday morning for a routine check of my furry friends. They are both in good health however my specialist also wanted to check my prostate. This was not nice. I didn't realise you access it from the rear entrance and will hopefully never have to have it checked again. It can't have been nice for the poor specialist either at 9:45 on a Monday morning - not a great start to the week!

Majorca: We had a lovely quiet New Year's Eve. Great food prepared by Jus and Granny B and VH1 Classic provided the soundtrack.

Majorca: Strolling around in Palma.

Majorca: Beth gliding through the plaza.

Majorca: Granny B, Jus, Parkes and Beth (asleep).

Majorca: Sherpa Strings in action carrying a little lady.

Majorca: Mum and Beth looking chic on the beach.

Majorca: Dad and Beth protesting about being in a picture with a lovely backdrop.

Majorca: Granny B and Beth charging through Palma airport.